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jewellery ramblings | 26/04/25

Okay, if you've seen my digital jewellery box, you'll know that I love LOVE jewellery - and I don't mean the cheap gold plated stuff, I mean actual solid gold!! It's hard as I am a broke uni student, but I try my best to buy vintage/second hand pieces or from ethical companies and small businesses.

On the subject of the latter, I follow a lot of independent jewellers who handmake everything they make! My most recent ring is a custom from LRM Jewellery in fact,, photo below :P As much as I love dainty rings I also love the more 'molten', 'handmade' ring styles. So I've always wanted to make my own jewellery too.

My custom ring from LRM Jewellery - the green sapphire and aquamarine band on my index finger!

...And now it's gonna happen. I've ordered Ferris Wax, a ring mandrel and some metal tools to be able to carve the wax - about $80AUD. A bit of a financial step but I have a history of expensive hobbies (mechanical keyboards, polymer clay, music) so I think it's worth it. My uni has a makerspace and I'm hoping on attempting to use the heat gun to melt the wax a little - although traditionally you'd use a soldering iron, ours here are only for electronics :")
I'm not gonna make anything too fancy to begin with - just start off with a simple melt-style band, try some wax carving with star rings, maybe even a nameplate if I'm feeling it - but no stone setting yet lol. And then, although I only wear solid gold, I'm going to get the wax models shipped to be cast in silver, or maybe even brass. I just don't know of a casting house which casts brass yet, and silver is cheap. Once I get those back I can use the sanding tools our makerspace provides and hopefully be able to polish things up and figure out what areas I need to improve on.
Then, assuming I get to a stage where I'm more confident with my wax carving, pull the trigger and cast in solid gold! Here in Australia (and the UK) our min. standard gold kt is 9k, so that'd be the 'cheapest' gold option for me. I'd love to cast in 14k (the standard in the US), as a higher kt of gold is just better and half my jewellery is 14k gold anyway. But, with gold prices soaring, that is way too unaffordable right now. Maybe I'll ask the casting house for a quote nonetheless.

I'm really excited to start this. I know there are TAFE courses that teach this but I'm already a full time uni student who wants to graduate as soon as possible - there's no way I can handle TAFE and uni at the same time, nor am I going to defer uni to take the course. I also don't want to take the course after I graduate, because I literally have to go straight into a full time professional job to be able to survive in the current economy lmao. So I mean... If my uni can provide the tools, then, why not dabble in it every now and then, now?

I will say that I'm going into this with the only goal being to make jewellery for myself, not for other people. (Unless it's a friends' birthday or something, then I may create something for them. I don't want to start a business out of this, or become a jeweller or anything. I'm at uni for a reason! I'm going to be graduating with a double degree that will allow me to (hopefully) work in professional environments. I want to be a policy advisor for either economics at the Federal Treasury, or a foreign policy advisor. This is just a little hobby for me. I know that by not selling stuff I'm essentially just throwing money into an endless hole... but I've never been the entrepreneurial type anyway. Even when I was making silly photocards and I had requests to sell them I refused to because I'm just too lazy. I don't want to deal with the legalities of owning a business or having my one source of income rely on it. My passion remains purely in the public policy field!

But, I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm going to wait for my tools and stuff to come, then play around with the block of wax at makerspace. If I remember I'll update on here how it goes to the zero people reading this.
Now I'm going to actually do my university readings.

oh lol | 22/04/25

boyfie and I are back together now. Managed to bring my confusion up (much to a lot of him having to coax it out of me). I'm happy, but I'm also scared if things end again. I guess that's only normal to feel.

I am a l<3vergirl| 15/04/25

So, one thing about me is that I am a lovergirl at heart. If I date someone I want to marry them and grow old with them and everything, and I only operate like that. No hookups, no situationships - life is too fucking short for that bs and I'm not wasting my time with somebody!!!! This is why I've only dated one person my entire life.
...and now him and I have been broken up for a bit over a month now. Him and I ended things mutually, so we're still friends. The problem is that we are too, TOO friendly. I'm not going to explicitly state some of what we do cos uh... yeah, but, we still say 'I love you' to each other and just, act like a couple. (At least, over text, because we are long-distance of course).
Also I am going to see him in less than two months. I'll be staying with him for three weeks in July, one with our friends (we're doing a hiking road trip), and two with just him, staying at his apartment. Um, yeah, we're still friends, we were best friends before we became a couple, but exes living together for two weeks? Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Not that I regret making the choice though... obviously I still am in love with him, a lot.
So I guess my big concern is that despite us acting like this, we still haven't spoken about what we are because we are acting so couple-like. Literally how we used to act when we were together. And now I'm scared I'm entering into situationship territory. I don't want to go there... we're either going to get married or we're just not romantically involved, at all.
But I'm so scared to bring this up to him and ask him what we are because despite me being so unsure, I missed loving him and I missed feeling loved by him. I miss him and the idea of us, and I think I'd be willing to shit on my self-respect just to have the illusion of us as a couple once again, even if I lose hours of sleep every night pondering the status of our relationship. I don't want this to end and I'm scared that if I point this out, we're going to revert back to being just friends again.
I really don't know what to do. I'm so torn and scared about bringing this up but it makes my heart ache and makes me feel ashamed at myself for disrespecting myself so much.

depression ultimate | 31/03/25

aaaaa.... I've had a really shitty week. I haven't felt so depressed in ages. I really hate being like this. I haven't felt like this since pre-exchange.
I'm not going to go into depth about the types of thoughts I've been having but they're not the greatest.
anywaaaay. I've updated the list of interesting things I'd like to write about. If I ever get to these, I'll create a new 'writings' tab on my homepage or something.

Sugar tax: Effectiveness and Implementability

^ potentially related to this: The concept of state/government-run supermarkets

The existence of price gouging (primarily focused in Australia)

The effectiveness of the Albanese government's First-Home buyers program

Compulsory vs Non-compulsory voting

Does a true Separation of Powers exist in the United States?

Rent caps and the Housing Market

Are Development Programs simply a nuanced method of neo-Colonialism?

...I think that's all. It's an ever-growing list. Can you tell that my double degree is Economics and International Relations? lol.
I actually even already have an essay I'd like to post on here, because it's something I'm really interested in. It's a history of sinophobia, again mostly focused within Australia. But because it's for one of my courses, and I'll probably refer back to it in my final big essay at some point, I'm scared of putting it online because I don't want TurnItIn to flag my essay as being plagiarised or anything. I think maybe it'll be safer to post the essay once my course is done. I don't know, we'll see.
Also! (And I'm sure everybody's already heard all about this, but) the Nintendo Direct came out and TOMODACHI LIFE IS GETTING A SEQUEL?!!? LETS FUCKING GOOOOO!!
I really just hope it'll be for the original switch too, and not a switch 2 exclusive... I don't have the money for that.

hello, I'm back | 13/03/25

haiii... if you follow me on neocities you'll know that I took a short little break for my mental health. Some stuff has happened and it reeeeeally got me fucked up to say the least. But, it's in the past, and I'm mostly okay now :) my (ex) boyfriend and I agreed to break up, but we're still really good friends, so that's good. I'm not arsed to delete the 'I <3 my BF' blinkies and stuff I have saved in my graphics because honestly... I'm too lazy for that lmao.

Uni has been pretty intense, I have so many assignments and like two exams in one week... that is a fortnight away, so it's helped me in taking my mind off everything. anyway, I've been gone but still browsing neocities every now and then to again, distract myself lol.

Also I did properly code some stuff! I coded a new page as a way to get my feelings out... it's a page layout that I think is really cool, but because it's so depressing and personal to me, I don't think I'll ever publish it online. Think I'll just keep it to myself for now.

I've been applying for graduate programs, streams, internships, etc. I should graduate by the end of the year (if I'm lucky) and it's pretty nervewracking. But I think if I don't get into any, I'll just go ahead and do my Masters degree, which I've been strongly considering anyway.

yikes, this entry is all over the place. I have a little to-do list for my site:

art page?? ft. my fav scans from my sketchbook

perfume log?? (given my excessive collection of perfume... I think perfume is my second-largest asset, first place being jewellery)

anyway, I'll think about it.

So tired lel | 28/02/25

Okay, now that uni has started, I can confirm that it is indeed, beating my ass. Furthermore despite me overloading for this sem (and I plan to next sem as well) as well as planning to take an additional Spring course, I still don't even know if I'll be able to graduate on time!!!! Hooray??? What's the point of all this?? My parents are gonna beat my ass when they find our frfr.

Ummm, okay, other than that, and the fact that every day I am swarmed with quizzes, readings, homework etc...
Also, I've started playing Metal Gear Solid 1 on my PSVita (it's hacked with Adrenaline, a PSP emulator, I highly suggest doing this if you haven't yet) and it's so fun ^_^ was recommended by my boyfriend to play it and I think I've got about 5-6 hours on it now. I wanna have an actual PSP as well though (╥﹏╥) I love how the psp looks, it seems so retro-futuristic (is this oxymoronic?? I have no other way to describe it). But I have a well-functioning hacked Vita... but vitas just don't look as cool as the psp, I'm sorry!!!!! Ahhhh, what to do??

i h8 uni | 07/02/25

uni hasn't even started yet, but it's already creating such big headaches for me. I have such major clashes in my timetable I think I'm going to have to drop one of my courses, which really sucks because this was a course I actually found very interesting in my extremely-difficult degree. also, i'm overloading for the semester, which means I'm already taking on an extra course than the usual load. yippee. All the more reason for me to continue taking my daily afternoon depression naps.

meh ... | 02/02/25

meh. That's all I can really say as to how I feel. I still feel sad and empty about what's happened. It doesn't help that my mother keeps interrogating me about it cos she could tell something was up. But I've spoken enough about this, so I don't really want to continue.

Being back home after five months living overseas is weird. I'm just reminded how much I don't like it here. I wanna go back already.

Also, I'm late, but The Weeknd's new album came out. I think it's okay, there are definitely some bangers on there. I'm considering maybe going to his concert.

Also I got a new Macbook, so hopefully this will make coding a lot easier.

feelings r gross | 28/01/25

Well, this is the reason why I thought I'd start a blog in the first place. Because loving somebody has hurt so much I needed more than just my tiny little moleskine or the letter I'm writing to him to get all my feelings out.
I never want to be this vulnerable again. I never want to attach myself so strongly to someone again. Because the pain when everything ends is unbearable, and even despite the happy moments the only thing my brain latches onto is the heaviness my heart feels when I think about him.

I started crying when I was with him, cuddling.

It was uncontrollable. It just happened. I feel so bad, so wrong, so stupid and so pathetic. I don't want to go through this again, not that I think I'll ever find someone like him. Somebody who understands me so well, who makes me feel so safe and comfortable and happy and content.

It's not fair. None of this is fair.