feelings r gross | 28/01/25

Well, this is the reason why I thought I'd start a blog in the first place. Because loving somebody has hurt so much I needed more than just my tiny little moleskine or the letter I'm writing to him to get all my feelings out.
I never want to be this vulnerable again. I never want to attach myself so strongly to someone again. Because the pain when everything ends is unbearable, and even despite the happy moments the only thing my brain latches onto is the heaviness my heart feels when I think about him.

I started crying when I was with him, cuddling.

It was uncontrollable. It just happened. I feel so bad, so wrong, so stupid and so pathetic. I don't want to go through this again, not that I think I'll ever find someone like him. Somebody who understands me so well, who makes me feel so safe and comfortable and happy and content.

It's not fair. None of this is fair.